Yay, I’m back with another challenge for you: being polite in France. Yes, it’s not just about not being rude. French manners and etiquette can actually be a bit tricky to master. But once you know the basics rules, you’re good to go.
Have you ever been to France? Which politeness rules have you broken so far?
No, it’s not as easy as avoiding to use the words I taught you in this article. In fact, using them won’t necessarily make you a rude person (but try not to). It’s not just about words. Attitude, my friend, that’s what’s important.
The French polite words you need to know and how to use them
Let’s first take a look at those magic words shall we?
Bonjour / Salut / Bonsoir / Bonne soirée / Aurevoir
That’s the very core of French politeness: saying hello and goodbye.
I’m sure you know those words, so I’m not going to be too long. Make sure to say them when you enter a shop, a restaurant, when the waiter arrives at your table for the first time, or when you arrive at a party,…
If you don’t, some cafés will actually charge you more! Yes, it’s a real thing.
Non merci / Oui, s’il te plait / Oui, s’il vous plait
I realised this was a French thing recently. Here people tend me to think of me as overly polite because of it.
But, in France, it would be disrespectful to just say ‘Non’ or ‘Oui’ when someone’s asking you something. So make sure to use the appropriate ‘Non merci’ to refuse something, or the ‘Oui, s’il te plait’, or ‘Oui, s’il vous plait’ to agree to something being done for you.
Obviously, this also means you have to say please, eh.
Merci
I’ve also been told a few times to stop thanking everyone.
I can’t help it, if someone does something for me, would it be passing the salt, giving me something, or just simply handing me something I asked for, I HAVE to say ‘merci’.
And you should too. FIY, it doesn’t matter if you are saying something like ‘I really appreciate it’, or ‘It’s perfect’, you HAVE to say ‘merci’ as well.
De rien
This is less set in stone than the other ones, but it’s still a good one to know.
I always feel bad if someone is thanking me and I don’t reply ‘de rien’.
Now, watch out your attitude
That’s what’s important.
When I first moved abroad, I was annoyed at people always asking me ‘how are you doing?’ all the time, without expecting an answer. FIY, French people tend to actually answer that question honestly. They’ll tell you if they are tired. Even if it’s to the cashier at Tesco. #yesidid
Anyway, here are my tips to have a proper etiquette !
Say hello to everyone when you enter a room / arrive at someone’s home (including children)
That’s a HUUUGE one. Don’t forget it please, it is really the very basic of French politeness.
It doesn’t matter if there’s already 20 people there, you have to say hello. I tend to try and say a general hello if there’s more than 10 people.
And yes, it does include children, if they are in the room. Don’t go and wonder in the house if the children are playing in an other room though. Some parents will go and fetch their children to say hello to you. Expect some messy kisses…
This NEEDS to be done before any sort of conversation begins.
The bise / Handshake
Not only do you have to say hello, but you also have to (in certain cases) choose between the bises or the handshake to greet someone properly.
Here’s a little help (keep in mind some men don’t do the bise, some do) to know when to resort to shaking hands or kissing.
Oh, and you also have to determine how many kisses the bise is. It generally goes by pairs, but sometimes out of the blue, someone does three (this is awkward even for French people).
Introduce yourself
Next one is introducing yourself when you meet someone. If you are initiating the contact, you have to introduce yourself as you say hello. Or would will be labelled as extremely impolite.
I’ve got a trick for you, which I use all the time: say ‘bonjour’, and then say your name.
You have to say it with the right tone though (listen to the article), if not people will think you are saying their names.
It goes like this :
“Bonjour. Marie.”
“Bonjour Marie. Sylvie”
You can use this time to introduce yourself a bit more
“Bonjour. Marie. Je suis la cousine d’Antoine”
“Bonjour Marie. Sylvie, une amie d’Antoine”
“Enchantée”
As a rule of thumb, introduce yourself in relation to the person who invited you in a informal situation, and tell them what you do in a formal business situation.
“Bonjour. Marie. Je suis en charge du design de votre site internet”
Public manners
Here comes the dreaded talk.
To be fair, I think all foreigners do that abroad, especially when we speak our own language. But PLEASE, don’t be loud.
When you are in a restaurant, people at other tables have not to be able to hear what you are saying.
And that includes children. In public (restaurant, shops,… The park is fine obviously), they have to behave. No running around, no screaming,…or quietly.
If you were loud, just apologise.
Ok, now, that you have the basics, let’s look at the unspoken rules of politeness.
Sometimes we don’t realise how certain things we do are actually customs from our own countries.
Manners when invited to someone's
French people like to invite others over to their house, especially for the apéritif (usually a drink and a few snacks before dinner, at around 7).
And there’s a coupe of rules to follow.
Beforehand, you should offer to bring something like a dessert if it’s for a dinner. If the host or hostess refuses, bring something anyway, but small, like a box of chocolate, or a bottle of wine.
Be a bit late, but not too long. I personally hate that one. I’m ALWAYS on time, and I have trouble with people being late. But, it is a good idea to arrive 10/15 minutes after the agreed time. One hour is not really acceptable unless you give a call (or text) to warn your host.
Gifts are not mandatory but greatly appreciated. Be careful though. It’s better if it’s not obvious the gift is from your supermarket with a big CHEAP label on it. It doesn’t have to be food. It can be a candle, something you’ve made, flowers,… Gift giving is an art.
In general, offer your help with the dishes, the cooking,… You know, basic table manners 
Manners when you invite someone over
Once you have been invited somewhere, it’s considered common courtesy to have next dinner at your place. Invite people back! I’ve seen my mum being offended by who didn’t invite her back.
If people tend to stay late, say they arrived at 7 and it’s 9, it’s probably a good idea to invite them for dinner. Although, don’t prepare anything beforehand. Dinners like this are usually a quick meal like pasta. In my family, we call a meal like this ‘à la bonne franquette’.
Also, brace yourself. French dinners can go on until VERY late. We’re talking 6/7 hours from the moment the guest arrived to the moment they leave. AKA don’t invite people over the day before a big meeting. Expect to be sat at the table for a few hours.
I think that’s about it. There’s probably more. But hey, if you master those ones, you’re well on your way!
You are a MASTER of good manners in France, and you no longer have any excuses for your bad manners.
Ahaha feeling overwhelmed? Don’t worry most rules come naturally after a while. Keep using them during social interactions, and you’ll get the hang of it;
That’s it for today, I hope you enjoyed this article. Remember to keep learning, keep laughing, keep being a BOSS at dining etiquette, and I’ll see you next week for another article on Just French it.
5 thoughts on “How to be polite in France – Master the French etiquette”
Merci beaucoup!!
Merci beaucoup!
Très utile! Merci beaucoup.
So good, Merci xx
De rien! 🇫🇷